us - OBAMA AHEAD IN POLLS

....to be sung to the tune of Abba's Dancing Queen

McCain can't dance, McCain can't jive, he's not having the time of his life
See Barack, see that dude, gotta dig that mean machine

Friday night they had a debating show
Started with a friendly hello
Obama dressed really slick, getting in the swing
They're in a wrestling ring

John McCain couldn't beat that guy
He's tool old and his joints have gone awry
But with the right medication, everything might be fine
He thinks he can advance
But he has no chance

Because his running mate, has sealed his fate, Sarah Palin
John McCain's election campaign is failin'
He can try, he can strive, if he can stay alive
In the polls, McCain knows, he is trailin'

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk/france - HUMAN JET TO CROSS CHANNEL

....to be sung to the tune of Wings' Jet

Jet! The G-force is making me pull funny faces
Flyin’ like a mastiff bat
Flyin’ a bit close to a hot air balloon
And jet, I thought the only
Lonely place was in a Cessna
Jet! Jet!

Jet! Two wings and four motors I’ll see you later
You think I am crazy I bet
Well, I’m not an evil dictator
Just a human jet!
Jet! Jet!

See you later, in Dover I really hope
See you later, in Dover I really hope
Bye bye monsieur, hello Dover

Jet! With the wind on my bald head it’s pretty cold
Climb on my back and we'll
Go for a ride in the sky
And jet, I’ll see you in Dover
I’m a human jet
Jet! Jet!

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - ROAD RAGE WOMAN BURNS

....to be sung to the tune of Fine Young Cannibals' She Drives Me Crazy

Drivin' along
A country road
Had a bad day
The anger flowed

Then a car came from behind
She completely lost her mind
She spun her wheel round and round
What a bloody awful sound

She drove like crazy
Like no one else
She drove like crazy
She couldn't help herself

The wheels sparked
She stayed inside
"I wanna go
for a fiery ride"

Car caught fire she wouldn't move
Everyone was rather surprised
Very quickly the flames grew
There was nothing anyone could do

She drove like crazy
Like no one else
She drove like crazy
She couldn't help herself

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - WAR HERO DROPS MEDALS IN THAMES

....to be sung to the tune of David Bowie's Heroes

He
He wished he could swim
Someone else
Got his medals for him
They fell
Into the river
Made his knees
All a quiver
And he is a hero
For more than a day

He
He is a king
And we
We are not queens
He's Charlie
He's a young 93
He is a hero
For you and me
He got his medals
Out of the sea

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - LIFE AFTER BANKING

....to be sung to the tune of The Clash's I Fought the Law

Gamblin’with money well it was fun
I was a banker but the bank’s gone
I was a banker but the bank’s gone

I had loads of money now I got none
I was a banker but the bank’s gone
I was a banker but the bank’s gone

I’ve lost my job and it feels so bad
Guess my time was done
T’was the best that I ever had
I was a banker but the bank’s gone
I was a banker but the-

Livin’ in my own money bubble
I was a banker but the bank’s gone
I was a banker but the bank’s gone

I lost my job now I’m in trouble
I was a banker but the bank’s gone
I was a banker but the bank’s gone

I’m up shit creek and I feel so sad
This really isn’t fun
It was the best job that I ever had
I was a banker but the bank’s gone
I was a banker but the-

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - LIB DEM LEADER'S BLUNDER

....to be sung to the tune of Rolf Harris's Jake the Peg

I'm Nicky Clegg, deedle eedle eedle um,
On my face there’s egg, deedle eedle eedle um.
I am the leader of my party
And everybody says to me
You’re Nicky Clegg, deedle eedle eedle um
On your face there’s egg, deedle eedle eedle um

Only the other day, oh boy, a question they asked me
Related to the pension, I had no idea you see
About 30 quid I said, in my brain there was a fog
It’s three times more than that, the interviewer said
Now they call me Clegg the clog

I'm Nicky Clegg, deedle eedle eedle um,
On my face there’s egg, deedle eedle eedle um.
I am the leader of my party
And everybody says to me
You’re Nicky Clegg, deedle eedle eedle um
On your face there’s egg, deedle eedle eedle um

My little party’s dreadful, really
Though I regard it with affection
But reality we have to face
We won’t win the election

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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china - TOXIC MILK IN CHINA

....to be sung to the tune of Arctic Monkeys' Mardy Bum

It tastes like milky rum
I drank it down
And it's like my insides have come undone

I start to cough
And my speech went all slurred
I'd rather have a chocolate fondue
A dish I much prefer
It's one that I'd eat on a picnic ground
But this milk is causin' my skin
To go a funny shade of brown

And then my guts, went up up and away
But I can hardly remember
Cos it was last Saturday the poor baby threw its guts
And looked a tad withdrawn

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk/france - FIRE IN CHANNEL TUNNEL

....to be sung to the tune of Kaiser Chief's I Predict a Riot

People goin’ to Francey
For a little bit of cheesey
People they want some red winey
They prefer the red to the whitey

A friend of a friend was on the train
Apparently his name was Wayne
He was with his wife Elaine
And then the big bang came

Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel

Passengers stuck on the train
In Paris they’re all delayed
Things getting’ a little bit smoky
It’s all lookin’ a bit ropey

It was a bit of a close scrape
Everyone’s in really good shape
Luckily they could all escape
And get some of that Chardonnay grape

Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - COP DRESSES AS BIN LADEN

....to be sung to the tune of The Monkees' Daydream Believer

I dressed up as Osama
Now there's all this drama
P'raps I shoulda been the Dalai Lama

But to my genuine surprise
It's me you now despise
The media's gone crazy and it stinks

Cheer up, can't you see
It is not obscene
For a British bobby
Who's not a raving queen

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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north korea - JONG-IL NOT ILL

....to be sung to the tune of Lionel Richie's All Night Long

Well my friends I feel just fine
Despite the gas in my intestine
Western media usual dung
Let the meal go on
(Go on, go on)

I'm the Dear Leader and I'm feelin' good
I'm a guy who's greatly misunderstood
I'm feelin' jolly
Salami, pastrami, delighted
Really love eatin' food!
I'm feelin' jolly
Salami, pastrami, delighted
Really love eatin' food!

Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)

I'm on vacation I'm takin' a rest
I'll soon be back and will give my best
I'm havin' stew and wine and meat
Let the waiter bring it on
(It on, it on)

Not ready to depart
But ready for another lemon sole
And maybe one more of those spring rolls
I'm gonna party
Flatulence, pyrosis, it's hurtin'
Please loosen my tight thong

Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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canada - OASIS STAR NOEL ATTACKED

....to be sung to the tune of Oasis's Wonderwall

Today was the bloody day
Where I was pushed off a stage
Didn't know what the bloody hell hit me
Sent my brother into a rage
I don’t know why anybody
Would wanna push me off a bloody stage

Back hurt, got a bit of whiplash
Could hear Liam startin’ to shout
My face smashed onto some speakers
I felt like a bit of a trout
I wonder why somebody
Went and pushed me off a bloody stage

And for a second I thought it was Bonehead
“Look out I think it’s Guigsy,” someone else said
There are many things that I would
Like to do to that
Bloody guy who pushed me

Because my face
Was smashed up against some speakers
And after that
On my face I felt flat

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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us - GLORY BECKONS FOR MURRAY

....to be sung to the tune of A-ha's Take On Me

I am Murray
I really like my style of play
Federer is my prey
He doesn’t have a chance I tell you
He’s running away
I’ll be right behind you Rodg OK?

Take me on
Take me on
I will’ve won
In a day or two

The future’s here today me and Rodg are friends
But it’s here, judgement day
For Rodg I have a communiqué
Say after me
I’m gonna win and you’ll be really sorry

Take me on
Take me on
I will’ve won
In a day or two

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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switz - WORLD TO END ON WEDNESDAY

....to be sung to the tune of Englebert Humperdinck's Release Me

This Wednesday, it's the end
For they will make small black holes
The world will be sucked inside out
The world will end it's beyond doubt

A black hole is not a toy
Being sucked into one I won't enjoy
But I'll try to smile and will not cry
Bye bye, everyone, bye bye

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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libya - GADDAFI HAS A LAUGH WITH RICE

....to be sung to the tune of Neil Diamond's I Am I Said

Gaddafi's fine, he's a good guy most of the time
And he's pretty much laid back
But as you know, a long time ago
We thought he was a bit of a
Trouble-making scumbag

Well he's Tripoli born and raised
And nowadays, he acts so nice
He always smiles, and says sweet things
He's even nice to Condoleeza Rice

“I'm nice,” he said
To Condo Rice
And she smiled back to him
Despite his odd hair
“I'm nice,” he cried
“I know,” she lied
Cos she knows about the human rights abuses

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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