uk - COW'S HEAD STUCK IN WASHING MACHINE

....to be sung to the tune of U2's Mysterious Ways

A cow got its head
Stuck in a washing machine
Maybe it was simply
Tryin' to get clean

It was really curious
'Bout the cleaning device
It went to take a look
And got a real big surprise

It's sticking
It's head inside
The machine
Oh no
“Help me” it cried

It's not all right, not all right, not all right
Its head's stuck in a washing machine
It's not all right, not all right, not all right
It's a cow and it's not meant to be

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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us - HURRICANE GUSTAV HEADS FOR NEW ORLEANS

....to be sung to the tune of Coldplay's Yellow....

Look at the clouds
They're comin' right our way
Gonna dump their rain
Yeah on all of us again

Levies I hope
Hold good and strong this time
I hope there is no crime
Yeah after Gustav has gone

But what a name
Oh what a silly name
Why don't they have a better one
Something like, oh something like
A normal name like Mike

Sandbag your home
And go upstairs real soon
And take some wellington boots
Cos heavy rain is comin'

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired:

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us - OBAMA SPEECH MOVES MASSES

To be sung to the tune of Cat Steven's Morning Has Broken

Barack has spoken, at the convention
Gave his big speech, to much applause
Praise for Barack, praise for Obama
Praise for the likely, next president

80,000, turned up to listen
To all his words, and Al Gore's too
Al Gore's a joker, he made a great gag
About recyclin', and everyone laughed

Barack's speech roused, people were crying
Tears of happiness, not cos they were hurt
McCain’s got a big job, ahead of him
Has he got the energy, cos he’s an old man

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - HOUSE MARKET STILL BAD

....to be sung to the tune of Joe Dolce's Ah, Shadduppa Ya Face

What’s the matter with, hey! The bloody house prices
Dropping like a brick. Everyone in debt.
Perhaps it’s not so bad. Oh shit, yes it is.
Ah, who gives a toss!

I cannot afford, hey! My pricey mortgage
And I lost my job. Haven’t told my wife.
Perhaps it’s not so bad. Oh shit, it really is.
Ah, who gives a toss!

It’ll be repossessed, hey! In the near future.
I’ll have to tell my wife. She won’t be too happy.
Oh shit, it’s really shit. It’s really really shit.
Ah, who gives a toss!

Petrol cost is up, I can’t afford to drive
I’ll have to sell the car, I’ll have to tell the wife
She won’t be too happy, she’ll say it’s really shit
And, she will be right!

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired:

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us - HILLARY RALLIES BEHIND OBAMA

....to be sung to the tune of the Beach Boy's Kokomo

Hillary, just gave a, re-a-lly big speech
She said that, she is proud, to-o support Obama
But I think, that she’s not, really bein’ honest

In downtown Denver
There’s a guy called Obama
That’s who you vote for if you wanna change it all

Clinton’s a bit peeved
That it is not her in the top spot
But it’s too late now
She’ll soon be the one we all forgot
Go Obama go

She really, did sound, totally committed
Even though, her teeth, appeared to be gritted
To Pensyl-, vania, Avenue Barack why don’t we go
Down to Washington
I would have been
An expert deputy
But you made you-u-r bed
Now you gotta lie in it

If you ever need me
Just call me or Billy
And soon enough we’ll be running the country

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired:

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uk - NO MORE GIGS FOR GEORGE

....to be sung to the tune of Wham's Wake Me Up

He’s well known around the globe
For his singing and not for his penchant to probe
He’s been in trouble with the police a few times
An indiscretion in a public toilet comes to mind
But now he’s gettin’ on
Wants to take a rest
He wants to retire with that there’s nothing wrong
Let him be, he wants to eat rye bread
And go off in his car, so he can smoke some more pot instead

George Michael is about to go-go
Gonna finish doin’ his live show-show
Had enough of singin’ on stage-stage
Wants to shave and remove his shade-shades

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - GOVT LAPTOPS AND MOBILES GO MISSING

....to be sung to the tune of the Rolling Stones' You Can't Always Get What You Want

I saw them today in the reception
A laptop and a mobile phone
They had details about the forthcoming election
And some info on the PM's gall stone

43 laptops in three years
43 laptops in three years
43 laptops in three years
And a whopping 94
Mobile phones

But when I went back to the reception
The laptop and the phone were gone
I looked around in every direction
Then I called the police from a public phone

That’s a lot of personal data
That’s a lot of personal data
That’s a lot of personal data
But I wonder where, I wonder where
They’ve all gone

Is it the same person taking them away
And storing them in their home
Have they opened a little computer shop
P'raps they’re sending them to some guy in Rome

43 laptops in three years
43 laptops in three years
43 laptops in three years
And a whopping 94
Mobile phones

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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china - THE BONKING OLYMPICS

....to be sung to the tune of Enya's Orinoco Flow

They're all at it, they're all at it, they're all at in the village
Getting jiggy, getting jiggy, with all their pent up tension
With their medals, with their medals, dangling from their dillies
Doing things, doing things, doing things we can not mention

Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse

From Germany to Jamaica, letting loose their raging hormones
Cos when they sweat, when they sweat, they can smell those pheremones
From Canada to Korea, it's truly international
The friendship 'tween the nations, seems really rather rational

Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse

From Latvia to Sebia, they're widening their gene pool
There's saliva and some mucus, and a rather lot of drool
All those toned and fit bodies, it's no surprise they got the horn
So perhaps in nine months time, some new babies will be born

Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse
Intercourse, intercourse, intercourse

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired:

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us - OBAMA CHOOSES RUNNING MATE

....to be sung to the tune of Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA

Barack's finally made up his mind
A running mate he's been able to find
He's a smart guy, from Delaware
And he almost has a full head of hair

Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate

But confidence is strong in Team McCain
The sun is shinin' and there's no more rain
They're movin' forward like a big steam train
As I type this they're orderin' champagne, 'cos

Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate

Is Obama losin' his nerve
Is his judgement startin' to swerve?
Has he made an error with this Biden man?
Has McCain got the upper hand?

Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate
Biden is his runnin' mate

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that inspired: HERE

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uk - GARY GLITTER ARRIVES IN LONDON

....to be sung to the tune of Thin Lizzy's The Boys are Back in Town

Guess who just got home today?
It's that guy who back in his day
Wore his clothes and hair in a crazy way
But hey, everybody did in those days

He served some years in an Asian jail
Crimes too severe to be let out on bail
He shaved his hair and grew a goaty beard
It made him look really crazy

The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
I said
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town

I wonder what he's gonna do now
Maybe he'll even shave off his left eyebrow
Or even start fiddlin' with a cow
Maybe he likes milkin'

The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
I said
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town
The paedo's back in town

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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china - BOLT BREAKS 200 RECORD

....to be sung to the tune of Billy Joel's Uptown Girl

Fast runner
He’s a really really fast runner
Makes funny faces just before the race
Then smashes records right into space

He ran the 200 in record time
Left the others crawlin’ over the line
He made it look damn easy, I thought
Or was it just that the track was too short?
His name is Bolt

How does he do it?
I don’t want to alle-e-e-dge
That he is taking
More than just fruit and ve-e-e-g

He’s only 22
So that means
He’ll get faster and faster
Running the 100 in five seconds flat
Or the 200 in the blink of an eye
I wanna see that before I die
See him fly.

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired:

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russia - RUSSIA FLEXING MUSCLES

....to be sung to the tune of The Beatles' We Can Work It Out

Try to see it our way
You invaded Iraq
And now you tell us what to do

Try to see it our way
We will soon get out
But we’re not listening to you

We don’t give a toss
What the hell you think

Life is very nice
And we have enough res-ouuuuu-rces
For fussing and fighting my friends

Our presence in the world
Is on the u-u-u-u-up
So just sit back and watch us win

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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us - US BANK GOING DOWN SOON

....to be sung to the tune of Simon & Garfunkel's El Condor Pasa

Another bank is going to fail
Yes it is
If it does
We're up shit creek

A man called Rogoff gave the news today
Yes he did
He really did
We're up shit creek

The worst, the worst is yet to come
The big banks are
Teetering

The shares
In Fannie and Freddie
Are falling like
Bricks from a plane........bricks from a plane

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - GREAT BRITAIN GREAT AGAIN

...to be sung to the tune of Abba's Money Money Money

We are the Brits
We love to moan
We love to knife
And break your bones
I'm so glad

And there never seems to be
Any good news for you and me
I'm kinda glad

But then it came - the Beijing Games
With medals coming, down like rain
Sudden-ly the news was good
Things didn't feel the way they should

I'll have you have have you
If you look at
Me again

I'll do you do you do you
If you diss me
Any time

Aha-haaa
All the things I could do
If I had a sharp knife
And an innocent man

The article which inspired: HERE
The song which conspired:

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