uk - LIB DEM LEADER'S BLUNDER

....to be sung to the tune of Rolf Harris's Jake the Peg

I'm Nicky Clegg, deedle eedle eedle um,
On my face there’s egg, deedle eedle eedle um.
I am the leader of my party
And everybody says to me
You’re Nicky Clegg, deedle eedle eedle um
On your face there’s egg, deedle eedle eedle um

Only the other day, oh boy, a question they asked me
Related to the pension, I had no idea you see
About 30 quid I said, in my brain there was a fog
It’s three times more than that, the interviewer said
Now they call me Clegg the clog

I'm Nicky Clegg, deedle eedle eedle um,
On my face there’s egg, deedle eedle eedle um.
I am the leader of my party
And everybody says to me
You’re Nicky Clegg, deedle eedle eedle um
On your face there’s egg, deedle eedle eedle um

My little party’s dreadful, really
Though I regard it with affection
But reality we have to face
We won’t win the election

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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china - TOXIC MILK IN CHINA

....to be sung to the tune of Arctic Monkeys' Mardy Bum

It tastes like milky rum
I drank it down
And it's like my insides have come undone

I start to cough
And my speech went all slurred
I'd rather have a chocolate fondue
A dish I much prefer
It's one that I'd eat on a picnic ground
But this milk is causin' my skin
To go a funny shade of brown

And then my guts, went up up and away
But I can hardly remember
Cos it was last Saturday the poor baby threw its guts
And looked a tad withdrawn

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk/france - FIRE IN CHANNEL TUNNEL

....to be sung to the tune of Kaiser Chief's I Predict a Riot

People goin’ to Francey
For a little bit of cheesey
People they want some red winey
They prefer the red to the whitey

A friend of a friend was on the train
Apparently his name was Wayne
He was with his wife Elaine
And then the big bang came

Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel

Passengers stuck on the train
In Paris they’re all delayed
Things getting’ a little bit smoky
It’s all lookin’ a bit ropey

It was a bit of a close scrape
Everyone’s in really good shape
Luckily they could all escape
And get some of that Chardonnay grape

Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel
Fire in the tunnel

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - COP DRESSES AS BIN LADEN

....to be sung to the tune of The Monkees' Daydream Believer

I dressed up as Osama
Now there's all this drama
P'raps I shoulda been the Dalai Lama

But to my genuine surprise
It's me you now despise
The media's gone crazy and it stinks

Cheer up, can't you see
It is not obscene
For a British bobby
Who's not a raving queen

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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north korea - JONG-IL NOT ILL

....to be sung to the tune of Lionel Richie's All Night Long

Well my friends I feel just fine
Despite the gas in my intestine
Western media usual dung
Let the meal go on
(Go on, go on)

I'm the Dear Leader and I'm feelin' good
I'm a guy who's greatly misunderstood
I'm feelin' jolly
Salami, pastrami, delighted
Really love eatin' food!
I'm feelin' jolly
Salami, pastrami, delighted
Really love eatin' food!

Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)

I'm on vacation I'm takin' a rest
I'll soon be back and will give my best
I'm havin' stew and wine and meat
Let the waiter bring it on
(It on, it on)

Not ready to depart
But ready for another lemon sole
And maybe one more of those spring rolls
I'm gonna party
Flatulence, pyrosis, it's hurtin'
Please loosen my tight thong

Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)
Kim Jong-Il (is not ill)

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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canada - OASIS STAR NOEL ATTACKED

....to be sung to the tune of Oasis's Wonderwall

Today was the bloody day
Where I was pushed off a stage
Didn't know what the bloody hell hit me
Sent my brother into a rage
I don’t know why anybody
Would wanna push me off a bloody stage

Back hurt, got a bit of whiplash
Could hear Liam startin’ to shout
My face smashed onto some speakers
I felt like a bit of a trout
I wonder why somebody
Went and pushed me off a bloody stage

And for a second I thought it was Bonehead
“Look out I think it’s Guigsy,” someone else said
There are many things that I would
Like to do to that
Bloody guy who pushed me

Because my face
Was smashed up against some speakers
And after that
On my face I felt flat

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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us - GLORY BECKONS FOR MURRAY

....to be sung to the tune of A-ha's Take On Me

I am Murray
I really like my style of play
Federer is my prey
He doesn’t have a chance I tell you
He’s running away
I’ll be right behind you Rodg OK?

Take me on
Take me on
I will’ve won
In a day or two

The future’s here today me and Rodg are friends
But it’s here, judgement day
For Rodg I have a communiqué
Say after me
I’m gonna win and you’ll be really sorry

Take me on
Take me on
I will’ve won
In a day or two

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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switz - WORLD TO END ON WEDNESDAY

....to be sung to the tune of Englebert Humperdinck's Release Me

This Wednesday, it's the end
For they will make small black holes
The world will be sucked inside out
The world will end it's beyond doubt

A black hole is not a toy
Being sucked into one I won't enjoy
But I'll try to smile and will not cry
Bye bye, everyone, bye bye

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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libya - GADDAFI HAS A LAUGH WITH RICE

....to be sung to the tune of Neil Diamond's I Am I Said

Gaddafi's fine, he's a good guy most of the time
And he's pretty much laid back
But as you know, a long time ago
We thought he was a bit of a
Trouble-making scumbag

Well he's Tripoli born and raised
And nowadays, he acts so nice
He always smiles, and says sweet things
He's even nice to Condoleeza Rice

“I'm nice,” he said
To Condo Rice
And she smiled back to him
Despite his odd hair
“I'm nice,” he cried
“I know,” she lied
Cos she knows about the human rights abuses

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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uk - ICE DOWNED BA JET

....to be sung to the tune of Rod Stewart's I am Sailing

It’s not flying, it’s not flying
Through the sky, we're goin' down
It’s not flying, something’s wrong
What’s that strange, engine sound?

Can you hear it? Can you hear it?
We are dropping, like a stone
Ears popping, stomach turning
We are going, to hit the ground

Investigation, said the cause was
A block of ice, in the fuel
But I do think, to tell the truth
It sounds a lot like, a load of bull

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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japan - EMBARRASSMENT FOR JAPANESE POLICE

....to be sung to the tune of Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl

They got a phone call
Dead body been found
Down by the river
The legs and arms bound
Cops down there real quick ha, ha
Drinkin’ some soda pop
Body in a sleepin’ bag
Took it to the cop shop and then
Made a phone call
To the pathologist

Pathologist arrived
Walkin’ oh so slow
He’s a laid back guy for sure
With a Sony radio
Took a closer look at the body
While thinkin’ ‘bout baseball
And then he realised
The body’s a blow-up doll, oh no
My blow-up doll
You my blow-up doll

The people of Japan, started to sing
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi ha

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired:

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uk - RECESSION LOOMING

....to be sung to the tune of The Stranglers' Golden Brown

Gordon Brown feeling the heat
Facing likely election defeat
Can’t sleep at night
Nothing going right
I’m feelin’ sorry for Gordon Brown

His chancellor’s not helpin’ out
Gordon’s pissed off, of that there’s no doubt
Just needs some luck
To get out of the mud
On his face a frown, poor Gordon Brown

It’s coming soon, a recession
But there’s little he can do

At best
Just run away
Do it today
Just resign now, dear Gordon Brown

Always a frown
With Gordon Brown
Always a frown
Poor Gordon Brown

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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us - SARAH PALIN SCRUTINISED

....to be sung to the tune of Paul McCartney's Mull of Kintyre

Her name is Palin
But it’s lookin’ like it was a
Hasty decision
P’raps you should have
Mulled it over

Far she hasn’t traveled, and not too much seen
Wasilla City Hall is the size of a bean
She is a lady I guess that’s why they chose her
As she becomes the focus of the hostile media

Sarah Palin
Your city hall is so small
You see, it could be
A bit of a problem
Oh, Sarah Palin

She is pro-life, that’s clear to see
Cos she’s got five kids which is two more than three
If McCain cops it cos he’s an old man
It would be Palin carryin’the can

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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us - MCCAIN LOOKING CONCERNED

....to be sung to the tune of The Troggs' Love Is All Around

He’s doin’ what he can
I’m talkin’ ‘bout McCain
He’s down in Mississippi
Don’t wanna look too lame

Instead he looks too keen
Some people just don’t know
They don’t know if he means it
Or if it’s just a show

He says he loves you and always will
He may be old but his feelings are real
But Gustav’s comin’, it’s a category four
McCain’s convention will be no more

The article that inspired: HERE
The song that conspired: HERE

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